I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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