so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
