i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
