i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize