You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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