How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it was like having sex with a tree stump
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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