i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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