some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
