so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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