i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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