I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
