I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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