omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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