How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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