u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
