but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i dont even know how to be here
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm like, not good at living.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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