Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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