goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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