I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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