i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
