I accidentally had phone sex last night
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize