I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
