Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
