You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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