Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
