Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
