Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
