Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
