I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
