well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I will pee on everything he values.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
