Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize