you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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