i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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