he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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