but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
honey bunches of taint.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
