i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
