i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
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