So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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