i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
