just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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