I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize