just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
