That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
