please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The beer is more important than you right now.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
