Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
