ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
there is glitter all over my balls
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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