something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
