I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
