You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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