you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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