how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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