i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
