My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
