he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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