i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
