Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize