I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
