How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
