Already got asked if we're dating
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
