i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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