I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
