tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
