I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
