Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
