you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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