VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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