Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I will be naked everywhere
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
