Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
