I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
