At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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