Whod you bang
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
