so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
