I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
