Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
