He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
