awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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