She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
