its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
