Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
