did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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