He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
