do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize