roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
