guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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