Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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