I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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