I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
