Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
