I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
