i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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