Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
