I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
