The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
