it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
