Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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