she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
