if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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