Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
