you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
