tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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