My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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