he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
