i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
