I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
