you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
